"Passes and Compliments" by Omari - 26

I didn't really "date" in high school because I was an insecure outcast. College wasn't much better because, well, let's just say that racial dynamics didn't work in my favor on my campus. Then along came law school and my engagement! Then, two years later, breakup.

All that is to say that only recently have I began to practice picking up women. craigslist works well for me because it's suited to my talents. This virtual world works well for attracting bright, dynamic, vivacious, and beautiful women. I post these little bits and the replies come trickling in.

Picking up women in face-to-face settings--such as grocery stores, social settings, and the like--involves a completely different skill set. I've often thought that a good pick-up begins with a compliment. So often I'll make remarks about a woman's hair, or her clothing, or her eyeglasses. This is typically received warmly.

Problem is, what if what I want to compliment somehow seems out of bounds? I once saw a woman working in a retail store, and my God, she had on the best jeans that so perfectly gripped her tight, shapely ass. I was sure I could deliver a compliment about her jeans (and her ass) in an admiring and respectful way. But somehow the thought of complimenting a stranger's ass just seemed, well, prima facie disrespectful. So I said nothing, even as she helped me in my quest to find the perfect cheese grater. (It was not to be found.)

But today I chatted with a beautiful young woman who questioned my thoughts on this issue. She says I could compliment someone on pretty much any aspect of her good looks and that this need not be seen as disrespectful. It seems she accepts compliments with charm and grace.

I suppose part of what I'm going through is becoming proud to be a man. No kidding--I used to think it disrespectful to gaze at women, catch their eyes, flirt with them, and admire their bodies. "But I need to respect and admire the whole person, not just what's skin deep!" I would think. Now I realize that I can do both--cherish both physical beauty and intellectual depth. After all, I love looking at women, but the fact is that there are few women out there whom I would want to talk to for more than a few minutes. Charm, sparks, and chemistry are so important, and sparks don't fly unless I'm in the middle of a great conversation with a brilliant, sharp-witted woman. (and yes, chemistry and sparks are important to me as a precursor to a relationship, a friendship, or even just for sex!)

This turned out to be a bit of an unfocused rambler of a post...but if you're a black woman, at least 21 but less than 35 years of age, I'd like to hear from you. Say something deep, something interesting, something acerbic, or something profound, 'cause that's what generates sparks...and because I'm shallow, include a PHOTO, thanks!